12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum cans were invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen'. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, class action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hair dressers, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat & potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern and educate" the producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They slithered in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
neobud
Funny,
I am what you have chosen to label a "Liberal" at heart and in my mind which is one of free logical thought.
However I was a soldier, I worked in a Forging Factory for a few years, I am a hunter, I am an Executive now, I have rebuilt my own hotrod and built a home. I am a good carpenter, and have been in more bar fights and other fights than most other "CIVILIANS" could ever dream of.
SO what does that do to your theory?
Side note, while I like beer, I prefer Bourbon ( A real mans drink). But there is nothing that can compare to good weed though. Although agood snort of Bourbon to get your outh flavored up right just before you toke is a GREAT experience!
(Edited by neobud at 5:01 am on Jan. 21, 2006)
Wild Bill
Remember J. Edgar hoover was a conservative as well as Sen. Joseph McCarthy...etc.
Oxycotin
u left out a few things required to be a conservative: you need to be rich, u need 2 be greedy, and u need an asshole that can crush diamond. im a Democrat, but im a conservative one, i don't think its fair conservatives have lumped us in with tree huggers and yoga instructors, i thought THEY used ta be called independents. i think it boils down to this: DEM'S-care about the ppl REPUBS-care about corporations IND- well there pretty much just plain crazy. and don't say it ain't true because most Republicans are old rich snooty bitch's that only care about themselves. i think you got the BBQ back wards the conservatives, milked the liberals dry, then out of any money to feed there families, the liberals went to work on the BBQ for the conservatives. of course it wasn't below the liberals to hack a few loogies here an there in the conservatives champaign, at least i would have;)
lol its way backwards, i mean just look at bush, that rich little pussy couldn't even show up for his rounds at the gaurd. is it so bad i hate rich ppl? HATEing rich ppl= hating Republicans, there sneaky, there mean, and hold there own interest above that of anyone Else's. not all republican's are bad, but most are.
my state senator is a "liberal" (Democrat) and I'm in the fishing business,(feeding republicans) and recently some tree huggers have imposed rules/laws that have really hurt my ind-rusty, that is until my state DEM found out that ppl were goin bust, and she turned around and repealed those unneeded laws that the tree huggin faggets imposed on us, an saved my ass and many others, my state is know for the best fishing in the world, and she saved it. i never even herd of a conservative helping anyone.
im sick of politics, all partys can kiss my ass because i don't really give a fuck.
