Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground. "Wow," said the first guy. "I wonder how deep it is?" "I dunno," said the second. "Let's find out." With that, he dropped a rock down the hole. They waited and waited, but didn't hear it hit bottom. "Hmm. Let's try a bigger rock," said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but didn't hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft. While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they'd seen a goat. "Yeah, just now," said one of the first two guys. "It just ran up and jumped down this hole." "Oh, well then it couldn't have been my goat," said the third guy. "My goat was tied to an old railroad tie."
Interpreting A Police Report What the report SAID (1), What the report MEANT (2) (1) While on routine patrol... (2) I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed. (1) The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner (2) He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN- DON'T FEED THE PIGS" (1) The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control (2) It was raining. (1) This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant. (2) It was too hot to ride in the car. (1) I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner... (2) The dirt-bag let go with an "Oink" as I walked by. (1) Knowing the suspect had a criminal history... (2) He puked on my uniform one night... (1) The informant is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the past... (2) I've got two theft cases hanging over his head... (1) While being arrested, this subject resisted arrest, and was injured in the act... (2) He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirrored sunglasses... (1) The motorist was cited for multiple traffic violations... (2) I wrote one citation for each swearword he used... (1) Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a voice from inside the house say "Come in" so this writer entered through the door... (2)The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have heard Patton's army so I kicked in the door. (1) The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies... (2) I sent then to a non-existent address which I called the "Command Post." (1) I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding... (2) She was a good-looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over. (1) The Chief appeared at the scene and took command... (2) I sent him to the same address as the reporters. (1) Further interview of the witness was impossible, due to conditions. (2) It was my bowling night... (1) The motorist eyes were glassy, he had slurred speech, was unsteady on his feet, and smelled strongly of an alcoholic beverage. (2) He was howling at the moon and trying to drive the car from the back seat. (1) Using only enough force to restrain the subject... (2) My favorite song is "Drop-kick me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life" (1) The defendant asked this officer's advice on how to act before the judge at his arraignment... (2) I told him he didn't have the balls to call the judge the same name he called me.
