Well pretty much the only thing that I know that works for my depression is weed but unfortunately I'm forced to have to cut back for a little while. Trying to save as much money as possible to get our "own" home and forget this renting bullshit that I now pay myself which is a big difference from that lovely "housing allowance" I've been getting from good ol' Uncle Sam. I don't have the means to grow my own at the current moment and buying it just isn't a option anymore. I'm thinking about seeing a doctor about it but I know they'll probably just put me on some kind of fucked up medication that will turn me into a zombie or make me worse. I'm thinking it has to either just be a case of depression or I'm Bi-polar, one of the too. I've explained how I can go from being laughy and smiling to getting extremly mad and being angery enough to start destroying things in past posts. From the research I've done on Bipolar disorders most of the symptoms fit me perfectly. I'm not addicted to weed or any other drug in any shape or form however, weed is the ONLY thing I've found that completly takes it all away 100%. I'm more happy, healthy and productive because of marijuana and it's pretty much the one thing thats honestly helped me get thru life the most. I've quit for months at a time and have had no problems with actually quitting but when I've been away from smoking for to long then my "condition" or whatever it is really starts to act up, kinda like someone with severe ADHD who doesn't take their medicine, not a pretty situation. It's been so bad before that I've almost left my wife a couple of times and wanted to destroyed my own because it's just to unbearable to live thru. I'm thinking I'm going to see a doctor but I am pretty sure that if I tell a doctor that weed is the only thing that truely helps with this and that I refuse to be a walking pharmacy they'll probably tell me "hey, thats life, have a good one" and show me the door. I know that's fucking life but Ibet the sorry sonsa bitches don't have to deal with this kinda ****! How the hell other people deal with the kinda **** is beyond me becuase i sure as hell can't find any other way but one and it just so happens to be illegal, go figure! Any advice on what to do from your own personal experience or from how you've seen others deal? Many many many many many many many thanks to everyone who helps me out with this!!! PeAcE
Haze, May I just say this, life ain't no bed of roses for anyone. That would be fantasy, to think that way. I know for fact that I suffer many of the symptoms that are described by the mental health sector as being signs of depression. And like you, mj does wonders for me. However, I too occasionly lay off for awhile or heaven forbid I run out, ocassionly that happens 'tween harvests...but that scenario has been far and few between over say the last 10 years. but before I digress...depression. If you find that yer' mood swings are depression related...try like hell to pinpoint what it is that triggers these depressed responses and emotions for you... generally if you can get to the root of a problem or a symptom of yer' depression, you can make strides in trying to overcome those unwanted depressed feelings. And, not to disappoint you, but you may actually have a brain chemical imbalance...did you ever consume stimulant drugs over the years, like speed, or coke...if so...yer' a candidate for these unwanted spikes and dips in yer' mental wellbeing...the human body produced mood chemicals are dopamine and serotonin...if yer' levels of these have been tweeked to much over the years, and no pun intended...then you may have to consider some sort of medication...however, at this juncture if this was the case...and you found you would rather medicate with mj as opposed to say prozac...than I would say best move to one of the states where you could medicate legally with mj... ...let's face it, Haze, depression is a sumbitch...it ain't easy...I realize...however...with a little perserverance and lotsa willpower...you my friend will overcome...be patient...while searching for the triggers...don't let that become another reason to be depressed...depression likes to disquise itself in many, many ways...so one step at a time...you'll be fine...lights on...hope you get yer' own home one day....too...you seem like a deserving soul...peace, bro... blendin' out depression....DC (Edited by Dazechain at 12:54 pm on Sep. 19, 2005) (Edited by Dazechain at 12:55 pm on Sep. 19, 2005)
Daze- I don't think I can pinpoint any certain thing(s) that trigger my mood changes. I'll give an example of how crazy it is. Example- I'll be changing a car battery and removing the nuts. I'll get one nut right there ready to come off and accidently drop it. Then it's like I just snap. I'll start cussing like you've never heard which leads to me trying to hurry and only making things worse which makes me even more angry until I'm chucking tools across the yard. I know it must look extremly stupid and childish but I can't help it, I wish I could really really bad but I just can't help it. I don't know if this would have anything to do with it being bipolar or not but I remember my first fight in middle school. I was in 8th grade and a kid slid into me and I feel into someone's locker. Well I packed up all of my books (english,social,math) into my bookbag and while he was getting his stuff ready I took my bookbag and baseball swung it at his head. He laid there for a little bit and I just walked off but he came at me and threw my bookbag off and tried to claw my eyes out (HAHAHA). We'll long story short, he never touched me but I just completly blacked out and when I "came too" he was on the hallway floor holding his face and crying. I kicked the **** out of him and have no memory of it what so ever. It was bad enough that when I came back from suspension 3 days later his face was still swollen and bruised like someone beat him with a bat or something. I've had the problem of blacking out during random times when I'd get overly excited or scared when I was younger but that sort of faded out and stopped over time. Yea I've done coke and that could have played a role in making it a little "worse" but I've always been like this long before weed or coke or anything ever came into my possession. I try and try as hard as I possibly can but it just seems like when I'm in a mood anything and everything is just waiting there to piss me off. I'm not sure when but I'm gonna make that call to a doc and see what they say but more than likely a serious conversation regarding a move may be in order. isn't really a huge issue but it does come up every now and then but thats just something you get used to and live with. I think it's about time to do a little more research and find a good RealEstate Agent Appreciate all the help and encouragment Daze. You are truely a wise and generious person and I respect you to the fullest. Everything will work itself out, it always does, but all you can do is hang on for the ride and be prepared for whatever comes your way, which I guess I need to work on a little better. Thanks for everything!! PeAcE
Yer' welcome, Haze... One note I would add here, after hearing about an example you offered...the car battery incident reference...I would add this...it sounds as if you suffer more from anger management/coping issues than clinical depression...I ain't no rocket docter...but that is my take...for what it's worth... blendin' on...DC
haze, i dont know if your much of a reader, but i just finished reading this book, Man's Search for Himself, by Rollo May. And it provided much insight into the way we think as humans and the anxiety we cope with and try to survive around. Order the fucker off amazon or try to find it elsewhere, but it may help you. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/offer-listing/0385286171/ref=lp_g_1//102-3951275-0168953?condition=all also, for what its worth, i was reading another of your posts where you contemplated handing down your pieces and taking a break from smoking. Well i did just that alittle over two months ago. I had to make it happen dramatically or else i would still be smoking, probably right now even. I took my sack and chillum up into the mtns and roasted like 5 bowls with a close friend. After we were good and toasted a loaded the last bowl in my chillum and handed it to my friend as a gift. That was two months ago, and now i'm reading books on seraching for myself. Its been a much needed time of self discovery and insight into who i really am, and what i really want. I can't do this kind of re-centering while getting blazed though. My mind just stays to dormant of emotion and feeling. so good luck my friend, and i hope you find what you are truly looking for.
you need something like a CR500. thatll get you straight quick!!! just blast down some trail and have the front end waste out on you and then pull out of it! youll forget about whatever, guaranteed!!! matter of fact that kinda thing stays with a man for days! BrrrAAAAAAAA,BRaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAAaAAAaAaaaaAAA!!! (Edited by BelowMe at 6:16 pm on Sep. 20, 2005)
you're so down, Haze. Were you happier when still in the service?? Why'd you go civilian? Inquiring minds want to know.
MisS- Tickers doing the same as it always has I suppose. Not giving me any trouble or anything luckly. Below- hell yea! that'd be the ****. mountain roads with nothing but clear skys and stars as far as you can see. yes yes, that'd kick ass. Mr. D- I developed a a kind of heart problem where the valves of my my heart bow in instead of staying straight and it's causing blood to shot back up into my heart. All the military people told me it's nothing and not to worry but the doc said that I should sit down with the wife and talk to her about making some changes (refering to leaving the service) because if I were sent to Iraq with all the sickness and disease he said if I did take constant medicine to make sure I kept myself "germ free" the entire time I'd be ok, but if I didn't take the medicine then bacteria can set up inside my heart and it would kill me. So needless to say I figured that is one hell of a good reason not to tempt faite anymore and the wife was more then happy to have me home for good. She was fucking STRESSED out over my deployment. Plus it seemed kinda odd when the time I am supposed to get deployed is the same time I just happen to find out I have a murmur AND my contract just happens to run out all at the same time, hmmmmmm if I do say so myself. Hope that explains everything a little better. Things are going smooth. Rolled my ass off yesterday so it was a GREAT day. Tons of such deep conversation and dancing and laughing and slug porn (that was hilarious). Me and my friend with the hookah were sitting outside smoking a watermelon blunt and it was like fucking slug mating season yesterday. It was weird as hell but kinda funny watching that **** happen. Yesterday was chillin to the fucking max. It was a excellent journey and a clean clean ass trip with hardly no comedown at all, 2 thumbs up. PeAcE
My advice is Get some good Beer and a good friend/family member and go fishing, it's a great way to ease the mind so you can thing about the future.......
Depression is the emotional feeling of low spirits, sadness and loss of hope. In the U.S, major depression is among the most common psychological disorders. Women are 70% more likely to suffer from major depression than men. CBD, or cannabidiol, is one of the about seventy active elements found in the hemp plant. While CBD is extracted from the hemp plant, it is not psychoactive. In fact, it is one of the best remedies for psychosis.
I was just out fishing with a friend and the other good thing is all the hot chicks in bikini's that are out there. It really helps the mind also.
You aint a kiding blaz, i miss the real wild days. I wished I had some pics of some of the chicks I banged but they didnt have phone cameras back then. Lol
