I was almost killed tonight.

This is not a safe place, this world. It was not my fault and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it, aside from carrying a gun, which I will now be doing. Violated, terrified, humiliated and lucky to be alive.


I was raped up and fucking down today at 5pm. I was fishing in a public place on a dam between a pond and the trees. I saw more than 30 people today. I was dragged, by my hair, to the trees and slammed on the ground and brutally raped. He took my personality away. He changed it forever. I just screamed and closed my eyes. I had no weapon on me and was terrified. He took me the "traditional" and the "other" way. I am cut, sore, bruised, bloody, fearful, angry and changed forever.


Earlier in the day I was fishing there and his friend and him were fishing across the pond. We exchanged a few polite words and they left. 3 hours later, not even before full dark, he returned and said he saw my car and knew I was still there. He took everything I had and left me with "thats what I came for". He did not care about my computer or anything else. He just needed his 5 minutes of fun and to ruin my emotional status for a very, very long time.


Another cop drove me home from Sutter. Now I get to live in fear in my home for 8 months until the lease is up. He knows where I live because his friend asked and he knows my car. Every cop in the city is looking for him, but they will never find him. He is a normal middle class looking white guy and everyone who fishes there lives within a block or two, he just ran home. If his DNA is already on record there is a shot, or if he is caught in the future and DNA comes up, but thats pretty much it.


I drove straight to the police station and was taken to Sutter hospital where they did a full rape exam. Also humiliating. They took my clothes and anything he touched. They replaced my clothes and gave me the morning after pill, antibiotics, pills for STDs and percocet. I get to be tested AGAIN for 6 months for HIV. THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I HAVE BEEN RAPED. Once I was 16 and now almost 24. WTF WTF WTF is wrong with people?


My soul has been ripped away from me and I will never be the same, ever.


Thank you for reading and being here.

 

Canna................ I don't know what to say. That's horrible. msrganjah and I will send our prayers your way............. Try and stay strong. That's just horrible. :5grouphug:

 

Very bad, Just Terrible words do no good. I am glad you are still alive you are very lucky that he left you and dissappeared. Hope they catch that asshole.


Teamster6

 

That's what I was thinking.


I'm so sorry to hear of such a thing, but, as cliche' as it sounds, atleast you're alive.


Try to get some rest.

 

It's disheartening to see the ugly side of society, especially when it affects a member of your community. Rape is one of the deplorable, inexcusable things someone can do IMO. You're in our thoughts Canna...


It's really hard to see any upside to what was done to you but maybe this will steel you toward what you might face out in the world on your campaigns.

 

Canna,


my thoughts and prayers are heading your way. I am so very sorry that you had ti endure that terrible repulsive act. Please know that it could have been much much worse. I know that seems impossible right now. just rest and try to feel better.


great big hugs and well wishes for you

 

Canna Sweetie...I am so very sorry that this happened to you!!


Please find somewhere to get counseling immediately!! You'll need to talk to a qualified professional in order to get past this tragic event and try to move forward!!


Please be safe and don't blame yourself! NO woman deserves this or is "Asking For It"....so never listen to that sort of bullshit!!


Hope you manage to regain some of your previous self esteem, etc!!


My heart goes out to you Lil Sis!!!


Be Well!!


Geo

 

We all care about you Canna.......keep in mind you have people that DO care, even though we may never meet.......always know that someone truly cares about you babydoll.....take care

 

Canna, I am SO sorry that you had to endure such a horrific experience. I sincerely hope that you listen to Geo and talk to someone. In the long run it will help.


Some say everything happens for a reason, I think that's :bs: myself, but if there is any good that will come of this is that your experience, while tragic, is going to help my daughter.


My daughter is 8 and I've been harping on my wife and her for several years to get her in self defense early, and make her stick with it. wah wah blah blah.....I don' wanna.


Now, she's ending up in situations at school where boys are picking on her, hitting on her, and she hasn't the confidence, or the skill, to stand up for herself. Mom's freaking out because her little flower is getting a small taste of the real world, and is down at the school screaming at staff,and is now looking at changing schools.


I'm trying to get through to her that you can scream at all the grown ups you want, and you bitch the staff up and down for not doing their jobs, go ahead. It will probably make YOU feel better. But at the end of the day this is HER problem, and until she has the confidence to not take that shit from other kids, she is going to have a target on her back. That's just the way it is.


I think advanced self defense techniques, ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN, are probably the most important life skill anyone can learn. Especially in the world we live in today and the world we seem to be heading into. After your experience, I'm putting my foot down and making this happen. No exceptions.


You've given me a new mission! :not-worthy:


Take care of yourself, Canna. :5grouphug:

 

Wow just Wow...


I hope you feel better Canna anything that I can do pls let me know...


Mad Max

 

Thanks guys, I am in shock still.


Apprentice yes they took from under my fingernails, my hair, "other" places, shone the blacklight and there was his semen all over. They took pictures of my whole body (that was an experience) and went "deep", ect


I would write out to all individuals right now but I am mentally exausted. I love you guys.


You know I am a matter of fact person. Telling you guys helps a lot. I would feel worse if I felt I put myself in the postion, like I have in the past, but this time it was light outside in a public park. The SART (sexual assault response team) made me promise to stop saying the "S" word, which is "sorry". I over apologize in life every day, self esteem issues.


I love you.

 

Canna,


Words nearly fail me here. Get help to work through this, a therapist or support group and know you have GK to vent to as well. Rape is the lowest and most vicious of crimes. I hope they catch that bastard and put him under the jail. You are in our prayers.


Budz

 

Wow Canna Im very sorry to hear that.


Unfucking belivable, i dont blame you.


Got get a .45 and go back fishing. And find those fagets...


..so sorry....Poor girl

 

Uh......hmmm

 

I am buying a gun this week. Ras youll like that heh.


Fucking bastard. This is my favorite fishing spot. I am not giving it up. I live around the corner. I will never go back without my gun. I guess you can have a gun in your house but have to get a permit to carry it everywhere? True? I am getting that.


Also, the fucking bastard, like this is the least of my worries now or should be, but I am addicted to giving blood and now cannot for a long time. I was due to go in Dec 13th. I go every 8 weeks.


I wish I had had that gun last night. I would have shot him as he ran away. I have only shot a gun on 2 diff occasions but without any practice I am a great shot.


Thanks again so much everyone, I am giving all rep, so if I don't get to you know it's because I ran out for the day. I see a shrink but have never had real therapy for when I was 16. The megans laws website is frequently my home page. Here i'll show you how open I am. If any of you ever go to prison, kill this man ->


http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/cgi/prosoma.dll?zoomAction=Box&zoomAction=clickcenter&zoomAction=clickoffender&lastName=Mcginnis&firstName=Jason&Address=&City=&zipcode=&searchDistance=.75&City2=&countyLocation=&zipcode2=&SelectCounty=&ParkName=&searchDistance2=.75&City3=&zipcode3=&countyLocation3=&schoolName=&searchDistance3=.75&City4=&zipcode4=&countyLocation4=&refineID=&pan=&distacross=107211&centerlat=38409907&centerlon=-121514242&starlat=&starlon=&startext=&x1=&y1=&x2=&y2=&mapwidth=525&mapheight=400&zoom=&searchBy=namelist&id=&docountycitylist=2&OFDTYPE=〈=ENGLISH


Kill him fucking dead. But he has AIDS so don't let him bleed on you. I guess I hope I will soon have two bastards in jail on megans law, for now, thats Jason Mcginnis if it won't let you click the link. You go to megans law site and you can find him by just his name. He deserves to die and does not deserve the 5 star medical treatment he is getting for his aids in prison.

 

I'm so sorry. No one should have to endure what you did. I hope that with time and counseling you are able to put this behind you.

 

Canna, listen to me. You sound pretty good, actually---you showed by your words that you are putting your rage and blame on the right person-HIM_NOT yourself.


I have done some rape counceling and I learned that the MOST damaging part of rape is the beating up of SELF most victims do. Instead of placing the rage on the rapist, they internalize---and actually blame themselves for "getting" raped.


So...you are already WAY ahead of most raped women. KEEP the rage ON HIM.


Now look....buying a gun is not a bad idea, but a gun can be taken away from you and used ON you. I strongly urge you to get into a self defense class for Women. It will make a world of difference in how you feel---build your confidence tremendously. PLEASE do it.


I took some classes back in the 90's and fortunately, have never HAD to use what I learned---but I still remember what to do if grabbed from in front, behind whatever.


The guy who taught my classes was a Tai Kwan-Do instructor and he said, "Ladies, I dont have time to teach you the fine points and subtlties...I will teach you how to stop, maim and/or kill an attacker." I was like..."well, hell YEAH."


Women are taught to "be nice" and "dont hurt anybody's feelings" and "act like a lady" very early on, while boys are taught to "not take that shit". DUH?


It's us Women who need to be taught to not take that shit! And it doesnt take a huge amount of physical strength--you or I would be stupid to try to duke it out with a man---he will win. BUT, in a confrontation there WILL come a moment when you will see a CLEAR shot--while he's fumbling with his zipper, for instance--make a tight fist and drive it as hard as you can right into his Adam's apple. If you're not comfortable with your fist, use the flat side of your hand. it doesnt matter---the larynx is fairly delicate, it will break, his eyes will water, his throat will begin to swell on the INSIDE immediately and no man alive can keep his mind on rape while he's trying to BREATHE...and CANT. Probably he will die, but at the very least, you will have time to get up and run. A hard blow to the throat will kill--even a half-assed, medium strike will cause uncontrollable eye watering, throat spasms and extreme difficulty breathing. it isnt a matter of strength--it's a matter of aim and INTENT.


You have to open your purse and hunt for a gun...but your hands are always with you. If the idea of killing a person bothers you, drive your first and middle fingers DEEP into his eye sockets, and INTEND to literally rip his eyes out. he wont rape anybody again, trust me. Even if some guy pulls a gun and says, "Get in my car", you're better off getting shot right where you stand than comp! My instructor said, in that event (armed assailant), drop to the ground, dead weight. He can shoot you, but why? Why shoot the Woman right there in the parking lot? Even if you only weight 120 pounds, that's a LOT of dead weight to bend over and pick up...especially while holding a gun with one hand! I mean, what's he gonna do? Put the gun down so he can try to lift your dead weight off the ground? COOL! While he's bending over, HIS center of gravity is off---while you, on the ground, have BOTH arms and mosre importantly, both LEGS to kick with. No man's arm is as strong as a woman's leg. How long is he gonna screw around trying to pick you up off the ground...while steady getting kicked in the ribs and solar plexus and groin? Him bending over a screaming, kicking punching wild Woman yelling, "FIRE! FIRE!" (people will ignore "HELP!" but NOBODY ignores a cry of "FIRE!" He may kick you, but just as women are taught from birth to "be nice", boys are taught that "only girls kick", LOL. In other words, it's not "manly"! So, odds are, he will bend over to use his hands rather than kick. This gives YOU the advantage-- a woman flat on her back is a dangerous thing and a force to be reconed with.


You WILL get some witnesses, damn quick. and he will want to get the hell outa there a LOT more than continuing to try to get you into his car. In other words, an assailant is counting on our compliance--he expects us to do what he says--. What he doesnt expect is a NON-compliant She Devil TWICE as determined to NOT get raped as he is to rape.


You're going to be fine, hear me? You're a strong and powerful Woman and you will not LET a man, ANY man take your power-- OK, you got raped but it wont happen again IF YOU DECIDE ro learn self defense. The hardest part is allowing ourselves to go against that early training to "be nice" Fuch a bunch of "nice".


Rape me, pal...I'll rip yer fuckin eyes out. Home Girl dont do "nice".


Go back in your mind and re-experience it--didnt you automatically go into "comply" mode? Im not saying that to make you think you did anything wrong. We're RAISED to be compliant! Im saying this to give you permission to give yourself permission to NOT comply. EVER again. How might things have gone differently if you had had this SELF permission yesterday? And a bit of training and practice? WHAT IF, you had held your pretty little hands up beside your face, saying, "Please, dont hurt me and I'll do" then SMACK, right in the larynx? Interestingly, the human response is always to listen to what someone is saying and WAIT for them to finish. He wont be expecting you to hit him...let alone hit him in the MIDDLE of a sentence...that he already "knows" is going to end with "anything", your verbal compliance. Surprise IS your weapon. Your attitude and fearful posture, let alone your pleading voice have already assured him it's all going very well. The LAST thing he sees coming is an attack on HIM.


Now you buck up, STAY PISSED, get enrolled in a WOMEN's self d. class today. You're damn RIGHT you've changed forever---because NOW you're about to become RAPE PROOF. It's all up to YOU, not him. He cant ruin your life--he doesnt OWN your life. YOU do. Refuse to LET this lameass brokedick mutherfucker have one more minute of your Power. Seize it. OWN it, because it's YOURS to have, not his to take. Fuck him. He'll get picked up by the cops and get a cellmate who will be happy to show him how fun rape is. Dont even worry about him. Might he come to your house for more? Sure--he might. Go to the nearest pawn shop today and buy a shotgun. Sleep with it loaded, beside you. Got a dog? Get one. Deadbolts? Have some installed on both doors and make sure your windows lock. If you dont happen to have an alarm system, a string of beer cans on a fishing line stretched in a doorway below knee level will wake you up if somebody makes it inside and to your bedroom door. You cannot MISS with a shotgun. Before we are Doers, we are Deciders. You must DECIDE to kill this SOB if he is foolish to try again, then follow thru.


Personally, I would hate to kill somebody. But the way I see it, IF somebody is foolish enough to come into my room in the middle of the night, that silly fuck has just commited suicide. He SHOULD have gone into a lion's den wearing pork chop drawers, instead.


The one and only critical thing here is--ATTITUDE. If you see yourself as a poor victim, you ARE a poor victim. If you change that to, "I USED to be a victim but that was THEN and this is NOW and I will KILL the next SOB who tries to hurt me.I am trained, armed and willing to kill." FEEL the difference?


This will NOT "destroy" your life unless YOU let it. OR you can choose to LET it be the impetus you need to become the biggest mistake that guy --or the next guy--ever made


"Be sweet and be nice


but be careful...and be wise


You NEED to be prepared if you're a girl..


to be a Woman alone, in this man's world"


~ Alix Dobkin, Feminist songwriter


Dixie