Let’s see, we’ve got the war on terror that’s been going on for over eight years now. And we’ve got the war on drugs that is well into its fourth decade. But I’m afraid those wars are getting just a little too long in the tooth for my taste. And I have to say that, frankly, I’m getting more than a little bored with them. Everyone knows that fear, not boredom, is the only way to sustain a pointless war with no possible victory in sight for any length of time. So I say let’s shake things up a little and find something new to declare war on. Something that everyone can fear. I’ve got just the ticket: Let’s declare war on greasy, unhealthy fast food. Now that’s the kind of war we can all sink our teeth into. Let’s face it, fast food is really bad for you. If you’ve seen that movie Super Size Me, you know what I’m talking about. I personally don’t eat fast food for a variety of reasons. And, being an American, I firmly believe that whatever I think or do or say are the only right things to think and do and say. Anyone who doesn’t think or do or say as I do is wrong and must be stopped by whatever means necessary. Getting this war started will be a piece of cake. It won’t require a Constitutional amendment or even new legislation. The Controlled Substances Act is all we need to get the ball rolling. We just have to get fast food classified as a Schedule I substance. We won’t even have to bend the rules like we did with marijuana, since fast food already satisfies several of the Schedule I criteria. It has a huge potential for abuse, its physiological effects are well known, it has a long history and current pattern of abuse, it causes physical and psychological dependence, and it poses a serious risk to the public health. That sounds like a Schedule I substance if ever I tasted one. How could the Attorney General possibly disagree? And just think how easy it will be to identify the offenders. Who needs racial profiling when you can use profile profiling. That’s right, anybody who’s profile (i.e., silhouette) is a little too round or has inappropriate bulges will be an obvious suspect. Just think how easy it will be to identify potential offenders at the airport. And there’s the added bonus of never having to sit next to an obese person in business class. Unfortunately, some larger people who do not consume fast food will be innocent victims, but probably not all that many. Not enough to really worry about. And let’s not forget the government propaganda. I can’t wait to see the commercials showing chubby kids all hopped up on cheeseburgers and fries laughing uncontrollably, committing brutal acts of violence, and jumping off of tall buildings because they think they can fly. Even better will be the ones that warn of the “gateway” phenomenon. Today it might just be cheeseburgers, but tomorrow it will surely be Twinkies, which will eventually lead to eating raw bacon fat and guzzling sugar straight from a 5-pound bag. Now before you accuse me of being overly enthusiastic or optimistic about this new war, I am aware of a few potential, though minor, negative side effects. True, the vast majority of people who consume fast food do not overdo it, and they would be deprived of what, to them, is an occasional harmless pleasure. Some may even be incarcerated. But, as they say, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. And of course a vast new fast-food black market will grow and flourish. The thought of “fry houses” springing up near schools is frightening indeed. And the phrase “prison overcrowding” will take on a whole new meaning. But if we throw enough money at the problem, we will at the very least generate lots of publicity, which will help generate additional funds, which will generate more publicity, and so on. Our economy could certainly use the boost. So what do you say? Are you with me on this? Let’s put an end to the fast food epidemic that is destroying our nation. Let’s nip this “assassin of youth” in the bud. People that consume large amounts of fast food don’t need diets or exercise or any other kind of “help.” The only thing that will ever stop them is punishment—the kind that is swift, severe, and certain. Putting them behind bars is the only way to save them from themselves and at the same time make our streets safer (and roomier). If that’s not enough, then just think of the kind of message we would be sending our young people if we continue to ignore, or even worse condone, the scourge that is greasy, unhealthy fast food. _______________________________ The preceding is a sneak preview of an essay that will appear on my blog next week. Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think. Thanks.
Either that or we can just stuff our fat faces with delicious cheeseburgers until we all die of heart disease or colon cancer. :kidding: I'm up for another war here on the homefront. Why not Great read! :thumbsup: btw, Tony Romas is my favorite rib joint.
I think the war has already started, with the ban on trans-fats in New York and I hear there has been talk about a "Fat-Tax". :new_cussing:
i eat fast food pretty much every day, namely mcdonalds and 7-11 corn dogs, and i am a 160 pound 5-9 guy soaking wet. i know im an exception to the rule and itll probably catch up with me sooner or later, but i happen to LOVE fast food. the greasier the better, so unfortunaltey i cannot support this new war...yet i like the idea of it though, after being in 5 cities in the past 3 weeks, i have seriously noticed that people are way to fucking fat. and its rough, i mean if we distributed all of the weight of the world evenly, everyone would probably be at a safe healthy weight, taking into account all of the starving 50 pound people on the impoverished places of the world. which says a lot, because there are several millions of malnourished skinny maaafuckas. and sunnyvale TPs in canada haha, just had to mention TPB, just got finished watchin some episodes.
hey tony, you ever think of writing for a comedian like Steven Colbert, or Bill Mahr, or something? i think ive read something else really smart, an smartass youve written on this forum. GOOD STUFF MAN!
with the colbert report, it seems like every interview that he does, was originally a normal, non funny, legit interview, but the writers flip every single comment, to the opposite, to make it a sarcastic funny as hell interview. it may have just been my really stoned self when i noticed this, but something to look for next time your watching, every single comment, to me , seems like this 'flipping' goes down in the writers box
I'm all about freedom. I don't agree with drug testing, nor do I buy into the issue that the fed has the right to prohibit me from putting whatever into my body, fatty foods, or mj, or blotter, etc. I know what you were saying, and I get that, and I'm NO fan of the clown, nor do I feed my kids that shit all the time. It isn't good for you, I agree. Our grandparents; ate fried food, and baked pies, and drank coffee, and were mostly thin as rails. Why? 'cause they worked that ass off, thats why. It is true, that 1000cal of fat, when one lies around the house, will go straight to your belly fat, vs. someone who busts ass working outsidem who NEEDS fat and protien to work that ass, and they were slim and trim. We got fat, off of the fruit of THEIR labor, and STILL are!!!!! I see your point, and agree that fatty foods suck, but we need to get the man ALL the way out of our lives. We can't trade one vice for another, we'll NEVER get our freedom back that route, but I can dig what you're saying. I'm just the kind of guy that don't want the man in my bowels anyway, or how. I get our drift, though, I agree with your premise, just I want TOTAL freedom. To be stoned, or fat as fuck, and I'm not fat as fuck, just yet :qbluewacko:
Yeah, absolutely. I love Colbert. Do you think they're hiring? I work cheap and would never go on strike. Where do I sign up? Thanks. BTW, I had a friend in college who had a cat named Teddy the Wonder Lizard. Any relation?
hell, i wouldnt know the first thing about trying to be a writer for a tv show. do some searching on the web untill you find a good lead. then send em a sample of your writing. no, im no cat. i used to be a friend of cheech and chong until i genetically altered some buds to make em bigger and anyone who smoked these buds chronically, would morph into an iguana, including myself.
Yeah, I think I remember seeing something about that on TV a while back. Cool! And now that I think about it, I'm not sure I'm quite ready for prime time. Or maybe vice versa.
im not tryin to be a smartass, lol...my screen name is about a character in Cheech, and Chongs Nice Dreams. Jimmy was the guy who grew buds in a swimming pool under the swimming pool cover that was painted to look like a water filled swimming pool with a diving board, shadows, etc.. Cheech and Chong used to come by and steal buds from him while he was working on growing fatter buds.
Yes, I know. I was trying to be funny and/or clever. Unsuccessfully. Oh well, if at first you don't succeed... ... smoke a dog sh*t joint and forget about it.
