Naked Iraqi Women May Menace US Troops Posted on Sunday, March 23 @ 04:00:00 EST by satire_punk Although the threat of American soldiers being confronted by thousands of naked Iraqi women has thus far failed to be a reality, it remains a key consideration in ongoing operations in the Persian Gulf region. War planners have long been concerned that the appearance of large numbers of naked women might provide the distraction of coalition forces needed by Saddam Hussein to launch an effective counter-strike. Batttlefield strategist, Roy Higgins originally alerted Gen. Tommy Franks of the possibility that the entire US led operation in Iraq might be in serious jeopardy if the Iraqis were to employ a strategy he calls "the naked women doctrine." "Talk about 'shock' and 'awe'," says Higgins. "I mean, when I'm confronted by one naked woman, doesn't even have to be a good looking one, I just go to pieces. I was sitting in the john one day doing some, ah, reading, when I realized, my god, what if the Iraqis know this about American men? So I called up Gen. Franks right away to pass on this vital intelligence. I only got through to his adjutant's junior secretary, but he told me he'd be sure to pass the information along. I can't tell you how relieved I am at every day that passes without the appearance of naked Iraqi women storming the desert! Our guys have gas masks and chemical suits to protect them from chemical and biological attacks, but what have they got to protectthem from the threat of overheating, if you know what I mean." The possibility exists that Saddam is holding his naked women in reserve near Baghdad and will deploy them as the coalition forces draw near. "The defense to such an onslaught is obvious." concluded Higgins. "We have to desensitize our boys in the field. I would encourage every family with a son fighting in Iraq right now to send care packages stuffed with the latest copies of Playboy, Penthouse, National Geographic, anything. This is war. We all have to make sacrifices."
