I just got a phone call from my mother a few hours ago. My 18 yr old nephew tried to hang himself earlier this evening. He was unconscious when his best friend found him, and is now in ICU. I am sitting here awake, hoping to hear more from my mom. I feel lost. My older sister, for lack of better words, is a complete fuckup. She has several mental problems, including bipolar, that haven't been treated in well over a decade. My nephew was born when I was 12, and since then I have off and on taken care of him. I was very involved in raising him as a small child, and when I left for the Navy at 19, she moved to CA. Without getting into too much detail of her life, he saw, as a child, drug abuse, physical and sexual abuse on his mom, homelessness, moving around constantly. No stability, no real home. When he was around 8 I moved them both to VA with me, to try to give him a more stable environment. I knew where he was was no good for him. She straightened up for a while, and then back to it. Less than 3 years later she moved again. All over, same drama, same bad home for him. Back to CA to the same trouble. After I got to Idaho, I moved them here. Again, trying to give him a better chance, trying to show him a better life. He is such a smart kid. Right after his 16th birthday, she moved again. He began to get caught up in her lifestyle - drug abuse, and the lot. He's such a good kid. Always has been. He's always known that his mother's life is wrong. Since he was old enough to understand, I have talked to him about getting away from her, and he has always known. When he was around 10, I was home for a family reunion. His mother said something really out of line to my other sister (her step) and it really hurt her. He looked up at my other sister, and said, "I'm sorry aunt JuJu, my mom says things sometimes she doesn't know" Holy shit, a 10 yr old knows that his mom's fucked in the head. I always wanted to show him a normal childhood, I always reached out to him to be there for him. When he left a couple of years ago, I stopped speaking to my sister again, and stopped speaking to him, mostly out of laziness. I feel horrible now. I feel like I wasn't there for him. It wasn't that long ago I was that age, and I went through some shit too, and I know how he feels. I've been there. How could I abandon him like that? What do I do? I am stuck, sitting here waiting to hear from my mom. Waiting to hear that he's okay. I cannot afford to go home to him, and I'm not sure it would do any good if I were there. I would want to blame my sister, as I am now - I am so angry at her. I know I should not blame her. She is who she is, and the life she has lived is her own, and is already been done. I feel so helpless right now. I don't know what to do. I want him to know that I love him so much. GTWT
to hear that GTWT. It's always tragic to hear of a young person wanting to take their own life. Very sad and confusing indeed. I'll pray for him and you and your family. Stay strong sistren, that is the best thing you can do for him and your family right now so you can support them as much as they need. I'll burn some ganja as a sacrament and say a prayer.
Just know that it IS NOT your fault. All you can do is be there for a person, and nothing more but support them unless you are their psychologist. I will join Ras with the burning of things for your family. The Buddhas have been busy lately but enjoy their job. asssit:
I know that when I was young....my mother was very much the same, i ended up in foster care....states away from "real" family...then one day I was saved by my grandmother My life was a tragedy at the beginning. I had a lot of issues, still do with abondonment topics and self fullfillment. But I could only imagine what would have happened to me if someone wouldnt have helped out. It was someone reaching out and putting their life aside for a few years to help. I never graduated H.S.....i WAS a total nightmare as a kid cuz of my mind......but now because of what i grew up around and watched as an older child, after the trauma....now I've built a beautiful life for me and my family, have a great job with a great future, great retirement, insurances for everyone...etc.. I wouldnt have been able to fill my dreams if it weren't for someone reaching out and setting a good example and surrounding me with amazing people.... Soundsl like you may need to reach GTWT.........good luck
Ohhhhh GTWT, I am so very sorry to hear about your nephew. I know there's nothing I can say to help ease your pain, so I just want you to know I feel your sadness and I will have you and your nephew in my thoughts and prayers.
thank you all for your kind words and warm hearts. I haven't heard anything new, I think he will be fine, I am just wanting to understand why. why why why? I wish I could go to him, I know he would take comfort in seeing his favorite aunt, I know he looks up to me. I have tried several times to "take him in" but my sister just leaves and takes him with her. Now that he is an adult, I feel I still want to help him, but I know I cannot raise him, only try to guide him and help him. I take comfort in knowing that my friends and family will keep me, and my nephew in their thoughts. thank you all :5grouphug: GTWT
Nobody's too old for guidance and love so long as they're willing. Sparing the details, someone once saved me from a life of misery, no direction or real ambition. No telling where I'd be if not for him taking me in. Probably prison or a grave. I was 20 then, and without even knowing a thing about me he took care of me, helped me learn patience and how to get over the past and set myself on a better path. I have more love and respect for this man than my own parents.
to hear of your troubles. I sorta know what you're going thru. 6-7 yrs. ago, my little brother found his step son hanging in his closet. I had to guard the front door while the cops (friends) were upstairs investigating. I had to convince the father to come, without telling him why. The hardest part was seeing him cry uncontrollably, as he tried to explain (to the cops) how he didn't know CPR, etc. but that he tried everything he could. It wrecked him... Turns-out he was being constantly bullied (super intelligent, 'geeky'). Hopefully you'll get a chance to talk some sense to him. Best Wishes
If you look at it from a certain POV, this might actually end up being a good thing. What I mean is, NOW he wil get some help. I used to ahng out a lot in alt.suicide.holiday and the vast majority of would-be suicides are people 16-24. That's just a real hard stage of life. Fortunately, most of those kids do "grow out of it". Often, the turning pint ISA a failed attempt--it gets the attention of the people around him and usually some kind of psycho/medical help will be provided. The parents and friends of these kids often say they had no idea how depressed the person was UNTIL the attempt. Sadly, sometimes the attempt is successful, then it's too late. So, Im actually quite hopeful for your nephew! He didnt succeed...and NOW he's got the attention of those around him---and some progress CAN be made. The other good news is, statisticly, only the most deadly serious about dying usually attempt twice. Please keep us informed-sending healing vibes his way and your way, too. Dix
Talked to mom, he's still on a breathing machine and still in a coma...... Talked it over with Mr. Thumb, and we will most likely offer him our home when this is all said and done. thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts GTWT :XXhippylove:
Awwww I am so sorry GTWT. Sending your family LOTS of positive vibes he will pull through. That is wonderful you will be able to take him in once he is well again for he will need lots of love & support. I have taken in many of my daughter's frds thru hard times and to me they are my kids. Chris is right, sometimes a person just needs someone to reach out to them, one who cares and will be there through thick and thin. Your good people and again, I hope he is off the respirator soon & wakes up from being in a coma. You must be worried sick... My hear goes out to you!!! Love ya and we are all here to support you!! (((((((hugs)))))))):anibong:
I really hope all goes well for your family GTWT. There has been to much sadness and pain with our GK family here lately. Here's hoping that 2011 is MUCH better for all of us. Peace and much love to all......
