Dude....yer already starting to forget. Go back and reread your posts about kicking. Still wanna hit that oxy again?
Thanks RR Thanks for the suggestion, RR. Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment that I seem to "forget" about the consequences. So I did go back and read those earlier posts, and it was a pretty stiff reminder. Not to mention spending that hour yesterday with a complete junkie. I haven't called for an Oxy today
:thumbsup: 30 years ago I needed to change my habits and get ahold of my life. Similar causes to you own current turmoil. I kept a daily journal. Whenever I began to start my old habits or the wolf was feeling especially hungry I reread the beginning pages. It helped. good luck,
Break the "circle" aswell as the "cycle".. I found that deleting any dealers numbers from my cell phone helps,you cant phone them whose numbers you dont have,also i told local dealers not to serve me,lol,now this will only work if they actually respect and care bout ya,lol,cos some actually DID refuse to serve me but some fuckin preyed on me like vultures,fuckin parasites!!! This is why it is best to leave ALL addict friends in the past cos i found that most fellow addicts actually didnt like to see someone get clean,they get jealous and envious and shit like that,best just to break the circle of "aquaintances"(thats all they are,people you got aquainted with while addicted to drugs,your only thuing in common or bond is the gear,once your clean you'll find you have nuthin in common with 95% of these people).It might sound pretty ruthless and selfish...but fuck it,it takes a strong does of ruthlessness and selfishness to get clean in the 1st place. Aint tellin you what to do,just thought id tell you how i managed to deal with "parasite pals" who have no genuine interest in seeing a fellow user get clean.Peace Scotty PS: Sound advice from Res:thumbsup: +1 rep
Phone Numbers Deleting the numbers helps. But it's hard to "delete" them from memory. I've called some numbers enough and they get stuck in my head and it takes a while to forget them. Fortunately I haven't lived here long enough to have memorized any phone numbers of Oxy connects. I only have my weed man's number and this dude wants nothing to do with pills. He actually asked me to stop asking him to put me in touch with Oxy people. Once I get a harvest going, I won't even need his number. But until then, I still gots to smoke. Thanks for stopping by, Apprentice. You've got no idea how much you've helped me with this.
Brassmonkeys anonymous... Safe Scotty,thats what its all about man.Im glad that for once my long arsed posts might be worth summit,lol. TBH i found it helped me to have someone to bounce of when i was detoxing so i do know what you mean,it does make a difference sometimes just to know theres others out there who can relate and empathise,etc. We should call this thread "brassmonkeys anonymous" Peace mate:jj:
i like long posts Your posts have all been worth the proverbial summit. You could have easily blown me an this thread off and chalked it up to another fuck-up junkie who is inevitably gonna relapse. You could have said "this is a waste of my time". But you didn't. Your long posts were something I looked forward to whenever I checked up on this thread. There were a few times when I thought about calling for some "medicine", but I remembered your posts and LM's posts and everybody else who bothered to come up in here and wish me luck, shared their own similar experiences, PM'd me with "best wishes" etc, and I put the phone down and did something else instead. THANK YOU, BRO!
I'd be a schmuk to NOT want to see you do well,considering... I know what your sayin,im just messin.I know just how much it does MATTER to have people with a bit of support and faith to back ya and i found that the fact it is complete strangers actually gave me more motivation cos i had people doin similar stuff with me. Im proud to see someone else kick the habit man,it takes balls cos its so easy just to go with the stat quo as you know. I mean who actually wants to go through the horrors of withdrawals,it dont matter that others might say it is all self inflicted(it is to a certain degree but 90% of addicts have either trauma in their backgrounds or mental health issues in my experience),the point is the withdrawal is just as self inflicted as the habit so if people can critisice us for "self inflicting a habit" on ourselves then surely they can commend too for "self imposing" a detox,it works both ways in my opinion. You deserve peoples time,your bettering yourself not cos others want you to but cos you recognise there is a deep rooted problem and your willing to deal with it come what may,that is commendable in anyones book.Keep it up mate
the usual fiends Thanks again bro. There is no doubt some deeper rooted problems. I pretty familiar with what they are by now. Sometime my mind really fools me...gets the best of me. I need reality checks about 10 times per day. Hey, some dude just called me and asked me if I wanted to buy an Oxy 80. I said "No. Don't ever call me again." Like I said, I don't have anybody's phone number for Oxys, but it didn't take long for MY number to make the rounds to the dealers up here. I guess word spreads fast. Fuck 'em. There is a TON of Oxy on the street here.....Jesus wept!!
I could score some opiates easier than some bud TBH... Like i said man,these fuckers are like leeches,they feed of misery,nothin but parasites. As for the availability issue,believe it or not i can go kop a score deal(a £20 bag) or a half gram(£30) round here far more easier than i can go score some kind bud,i mean hashish is ten a penny but actual decent bud ya gotta have a good hook up whereas if i wanted some gear all i gotta do is chap any one of about 30 doors nearby and post £20 through the letterbox and 'voila' i can walk away with a bag of brown sugar,that say all you gotta know about the smack problem in glasgow and all over scotland. Glasgow is the junkie capital of europe and edinburgh was once the HIV capital too until the ukraine stepped up and tookthat title.Its sad to see nowadays young teens that have smoked or IV'd smack before they have even tried a nice bit of skunk:sad4:
like the movie? What you're saying...what you're talking about, I'm imagining the movie "Trainspotting".
LOL.. trainspotting is the glamourous version of reality round here actually.. Believe it or not 'Trainspotting' actually glamourised the whole scene,it is a lot more grimy and grittier than that in real life round here. Im 31 now and i look back to the crew i hung out with growing up and theres literally only a few of us left,most either died of an O.D,got murdered,went to jail long term or killed themseles and nearly every single one of these cases was heroin or methadone related apart from one mate who died swalloing his vomit in a temazepam and ecstasy induced state,it truly is shocking. Trainspotting is based in edinburgh,im afraid Glasgow is a lot rougher and i dont know any addicts round here who take time to go shooting pellet guns in the park and go clubbing,lol,most just wake,go on the rob then score and repeat till sleeptime,either that or do what i did and get your street doctors license,lol. Im sure every american city has the same issues,its just that Glasgow's MAIN problem apart from gang and sectarian violence is purely HEROIN addiction.We have more people on methadone in this city than almost anywhere else in the UK bar London id guess. There are so mny public and private drug agencies here that becoming a drug counsellor is a job that guarantees a future hence why im gonna learn the trade officially. Its very rare round here to have a family who havent been directly or indirectly affected in some way by heroin addiicton in some way,its a national "sport" round here since the 80's which is the era trainspotting was based on. I see people hitting up in doorways and all manner of blatant and nasty shit on a daily basis:sad4:
damn that dope Whoa. Some of those scenes from Trainspotting are pretty sleazy. And that was a "glamorous" look at the whole situation?! Oh christ, I can't imagine how much nastier and grittier it could get than what they depicted at the "mother superior's" dope den, or that nasty bathroom scene. I had no idea that Glasgow had that kind of smack problem. Damn. I've never heard anything about a smack epidemic in Scotland. I gotta say, I've never used street dope. For me it's always been the pharmacopia. Ampules of morphine, demerol, NuBaine, Oxys, MSContin etc. Hell, I've never even SEEN heroin in real life, though I have smoked opium. It smelled like incense. Aprentice, I see you're a seasoned veteran around these here forums. I'm sure you've seen and read all kinds of bullshit on here. Again, I cant tell ya how much you have informed me and helped keep me on an even keel. I appreciate you stopping by this thread as much as you have. If I weren't working things through on this thread with y'all's help, I'm sure I'd have an Oxy problem in yet a 3rd city and a 3rd state. It's always good to see ur posts. It's kinda like a buddy stopping by to smoke me out. I always look forward to those visits!
What up, Scotty??? How ya feelin this morning? Haven't been around too much, but i thought i would stop in! Hope all is well! Peace -LM
better days hey there, LM. Thanks for checkin in on me. I'm feelin pretty well this morning. I'm feeling better and better each day now. I'm sleeping regular hours and my appetite is finally coming back. I don't wana slip now and have any setbacks from here, as I feel that I'm through the worst of it. My knees still ache, but thats usually the first symptom to come and last symptom to go. I think the worst is behind me now. I'm not saying that it's all over, but right now I'm actually clean. I cant believe it...I'm clean. At least for the moment, I am clean. Thank you LM. Your posts have helped to continue the motivation I needed to get through this. Remember what I said: when I think about using, I think of you guys and all the support I have, and it's much easier for me to say "No". Just like I did yesterday. Thank you so much, LM. Much love and respect to you.
apart from the dead baby then yes trainspotting is glamorous c0mpared to real life.. Aye trust me scotty,scotland really does have a terrible epidemic of drugs but mostly heroin,it aint even in the 5 major cities anymore,its in the towns and even or especially in the small fishing villages which is where a lot of the gear enters scotland and the rest comes into the liverpool docks in england and makes its way north,lol,trust me cos iv a mate doing ten years for trafficking from liverpool,its a steady route.The has all comes via SPAIN from Morroccoe. Aye trainspotting was grisly when the baby died but yes iv been in "shooting galleries" playing "darts" with some fucked up people in some really fucked up squats and shit. Some houses dont even have any furniture or nothing,i even was in one that had ripped up floor boards and they just made a fire in the middle of the lounge!!!! Sometimes i used to think WTF am i doing here,a lot of my mates have overdoesd in places like that nd thats scary cos these people dont have any bond with you,they just use you for a free "charge" and when you OD they uncerimoniously just dump you in the street and your lucky if they even ring and ambulance,if they do then usually its cos they feel bad for dipping your pockets and removing any drugs and money,thats what i mean about them being parasites,they act like mates then when they think your dying they raid your wallet and steal your stash,i cant tell you how glad i am to be long gone from that scene.I was just a silly boy TBH,havin a son living with me has gave me a whole new perspective on life which is why i finally gave up the benzos(which wasnt easy). You say you have never touched street gear but TBH with you,the stuff you have been taking is prolly stronger than a lot of the street stuff cos its more pure,they dilute the gear these days with all manner of dodgy things like paracetemol anmd worse.Thats why more and more people are bypassing the heroin and going straight for methadone,oxys,MST tablets and ANY vials they get their hands on cos apart from china white and black tar heroin then subutex/suboxone,etc is prolly a lot stronger than any shit on the street! Oxys are a new thing on the streets round here,i only started seeing them and taking them just as i got clean but i hear they are now easily scored and hard to come of aswell.So YOUR detox from oxys and subs is prolly a lot harder than many peoples heroin detox.STAND TALL & BE PROUD,you've earned your stripes:icon_salut: Peace PS: Id love to come by and smoke you out,shame you live among the eskimoes
phamaceutically engineered dope That shit from Morocco must be pretty goddamn good...if it hasn't been stepped on too much:icon_confused: I'm still not stable enough to have kids and look after them like a proper father. As my drug abuse might indicate, I'm still a pretty selfish dude. For a very short amount of time, I used meth. I've been in some tweeker pads that were just like you described those smack shooting galleries. I guess a gallery is a gallery, whether it be smack, coke, meth, etc. It was just fucking horrid to see the degree of disrepair these places were in, yet I'd walk in and there'd be a bunch of tweekers in there all spun out trying to hit a vein and asking to borrow my belt. One time I actually let a dude use my belt to tie off. After he slammed the meth, he puked and then tried to hand my belt back to me. I told him to fuckin keep it. There was no furniture, no nothing. Just like you described. I never did slam meth. It was just to scary to watch, let alone try it on myself. Exactly...you're spot on. The pharmaceuticals are engineered in labs to target all of the specific opioid receptors in all 3 of the brain's "pleasure pathways." It did occur to me that this was the case. But of course I had to find out for myself. I soon learned that what I had my hands on was basically a really pure form of smack. Then I actually met some people in rehab who bailed on the smack in favor of the pharmaceuticals cuz the street gear was just too unpredictable. Risky as fuck that street gear. It could be so stepped on that there's not even in dope left in it, or it could be pure enough that you could end up with a hot-shot and OD. Yeah dude. I think so too. You know, I think I'll do that. Of all the accomplishments in my life that I've been proud of, this one ranks right up there at the top. Well, if you do, I think you could get here faster if you fly east as opposed to f west. I'm so far west that I'm practically east. If you fly west, I think you'd have to cover about 1/2-2/3 of the globe. If you fly east, I think you'd only have to cover about 1/3 of the globe. So........see ya soon? :laughing1::laughing1:
Sup Scotty! Hey man is AWESOME to hear that your doing better bro. Ive been in many of these gallerys myself while I was out west. Ive never shot up anything but rather smoked my meth. Most everyone I was around were shooters though. Matter of fact of lived in one of these places for a couple of weeks when I was homeless out there, no power, no running water. Crazy ass lifestyle that I dont miss whatsoever. I still crave meth anytime its brought up but other than that I dont think about it. Keep up the good work man and yeah TA is right BE PROUD bro. Your doing something alot of addicts never do unless they go to jail. Sometimes its even easier to get it when in jail so they never do. I know I'm damn proud of you man, youve fought a hell of a fight bro. Keep on trucking man, your life is going to be getting ALOT better and more enjoyable in the near future, if its not already improving. Take care Scotty. Peace
I cant say "thanks" enough Fucking meth. I've "lost" a couple good friends to meth, one of whom was my BEST friend for many years. The last time I saw or spoke to him he was all spun out and crazy having been up for like 5 days in a row. The drug went side-ways on him and the whole situation became completely pear-shaped. He started accusing me of smoking his last gram of meth while he was passed out. I sat there and watched him smoke that last gram before he passed the fuck out. He called me up screaming at me and he even threatened to call the police! I said "What are ya gonna tell 'em? That you want me arrested for allegedly smoking your last gram of meth? Yeah, dude. You go ahead and do that. Click." That was the last time I ever saw or spoke to him. Everytime I've moved or changed phone numbers, I've always tried to get the info to him. In some cases I know he got the messages. Hell, I even tried to contact him several times via email, phone calls and texts. He never answers his phone, nor does he return my emails or texts. I guess he's still mad over that gram of meth. That was over 5 years ago. If he ever gets clean from that madness, I know he'll reach out to me. But as long as he doesn't, I know he's still using. Man, in these tweeker pads, it's even worse at night b/c there are never any light-bulbs in the house. After nightfall, you were pretty much f solo until sunrise. Dude, thanks a TON for this post. It's so fucking cool to hear from other people who are familiar with this situation cuz I don't have to explain anything. They already know what's going on and how it works. Thank you for being so candid about your own experiences. When you guys post up here, it always reminds me that I'm not alone.
