I don't know if I'm an alcoholic. Let's put it this way, folks - if the same thing had happened, if she had not signed on for two days, didn't respond to my e-mails, bla bla bla, and I was feeling down, and I smoked some HERB, I wouldn't be upset. I just started drinking, and got all down on myself. I'm doing better now, and thanks for your advice and all. I'm not looking to get married, and I'm not even saying I want to be all lovey-dovey right away. It's just that I felt like it was going somewhere, and now it is DAY THREE that I haven't talked to her. THIS WOULD WORRY ANYONE! A guy drove many miles to see her... she signs on for two minutes and doesn't say hi. I can't help but be a human male in this case. She was just starting to make me feel very nice, and she said some very nice things to me, like "I feel like I know you more than any other online person", and said something similar on the phone. She said she would drive up sometime this month. But I don't know... anything could happen. I'm not there, and I don't know what's happening. You cannot blame me for being concerned. :::sigh::: I understand what you're saying, Mary, and everyone that agrees. I do. But it's tough with my situation, being who I am. I don't get out much, and don't enjoy bars, etc. I don't have much of a circle of friends anymore. I have to take a train to even hang out with them, and when I do it's boring. I'm lonely. I know you'll say "you have to love yourself" bla bla. Really, I can appreciate who I am. I don't think I'm ugly. I'm a little awkward looking. I look a little bit like Harry Potter, with round glasses and cute face. But this situation with this girl is unique. She is a lot like me, but has a lot of energy. She likes to road trip, do sponaneous things, get out on the road. I need that. I don't want to find that she's involved with this guy, gonna take off with him and not me, or be in love with him and still come to see me, with me knowing that somebody else has her heart. I just don't want to talk to her and have her tell me some bad news.... even though I never met her. I know it's pathetic, but I'm still afraid. This is my world... my little internet world where I meet girls... these are my options, and I dunno... you're just gonna yell at me now... let's just go back to talking about herb growing. Forget about me. Hoepfully I'll go pick up a sachel today.
FTM you are not so different from many of us out here. Never sell yourself short though....know your own worth in life and women will see that. Confidence is key. My only point would be that this girl is not the last one in the world if it turns out that she takes another direction. SD had great advice for you...use it to your advantage sometime....and smile. Women like a good smile...dimples help too.
QUOTE she said some guy friend of hers was coming from St. Louis to come visit her... "he is very interesting, you would like him"... So this has you so upset FTM? That she has other male friends? It IS possible for women to be friends with men and not be interested in them intimately or sexually. Havent you had female friends who you werent hot for?? Cant be so insecure about her friendships when you havent even met her dude or that'll scare her away quicker than anything else. Mabey hes just a really cool cat that she likes on a friendly basis but nothing more. I can think of several people who got involved in online situations where everything seems to be wonderful and feel they have made a connection but it never materialized into anything except some hurt feelings. Take it slow. Send an email, ONE email, saying you miss talking with her and hope she is having a good time with her friend. Then see what happens. But dont let it stress you out man. Some people THRIVE on these internet relationships, where they can spin their stories in their favor, lead you to believe what THEY want you to believe, taking in all the flattery and ego stroking and then as soon as a threat of a realistic, in person meeting comes into play, they back out quick and come up with great excuses for not showing. Watch your back, keep cool and everything will work out fine. We;re here for ya
For the most part, you were all right. I apologize for my emotional bullshit. It's not so often that someone tells me they will come to see me and fall asleep beside me. I was wrong, irrational, and a little out of it. I learned my lesson. She ended up kicking the guy out, because she is not intereseted in being anything but friends, and she ended up being awakened by him on top of her in her bed, I guess trying to kiss her or whatever. She had to sleep on the couch. She told him to go home today. She is very sweet to me. She keeps just the right emotional distance. No love or promise of, and that's just how I need it, really. But she says that she really cares for me, and a couple of times that she wishes she was here right now beside me, and how it sucks that she lives so far away. I don't know if it will grow into much if she comes here, or what will happen thereafter, but the promise of just a hug and cuddling is more than enough for me. I know I am a guy and guy things happen when girls are around, but I'm not gonna jump on top of her and try to get her to have make love unless it just happens. I won't even profess anything to her unless I sense it's right. Alls I know is that I should be very greatful that someone is even willing to come and see me, driving in the cold, just to hang out with me for a few days. That alone, not to mention the xoxoxoxo before she signs off, is enough to make me sleep better. Hearing her voice on the phone before was enough as well. I shouldn't be such an idiot. Thank you guys for your words of wisdom.
See now? I may not be pimp masta flex when it comes to women.. but I'd have to say you worked yourself up over what turned out to be nothin. Im glad the wind blew your direction this time around.. persue her and see what unfolds.. ya never know what could happen. So next time.. Chillax and spark a fatty.. Peace
What's wrong with just being friends? Women are wonderful friends. My best friend is a Women. getting to know someone gives one the opportunity to ask candid questions. valuable things can be learned by listening to your friends. Good luck FTM.
The only really close friends I have are women, just to clear things up. I guess I just pulled the typical possesive guy thing and got all crazy. That really was being hypocritical. I have guy friends, but the only people I tell any of my inside stuff to is women.
sounds like you could of scared her off. Hope this isn't the case tho. hang in there and let your brain run it not yur heart.
FTM bro you are putting WAYYY too much into this internet relationship IMHO. Not to be cruel or rude but from an outsiders perspective you are talking about this relationship as if it were a real deal and it isnt not even close. to be so blunt Man you need to get your feet wet with the real deal before you go meeting someone from the internet only to realize you have very few relationship skills, all thats gonna do is bring heartache to you both my friend. You are very shy and have a real hard time dealing with women on a personal level(relationship wise) from what your telling us My question is: what are you going to do when this woman shows up on your doorstep and youre the same old FTM you always were with women, unable to have functional intimate relationships with them? Do you think all those things are just going to disappear when the two of you get together? I know this sounds harsh but honestly find out why you have this issue with women, solve it, fix it and then go out into the "real world" and work on having a functional relationship with a woman. Until then all youre going to do is live in this fantasy world youve been living in while never really accomplishing anything. Again Im not trying to be cruel, just honest and sincerely trying to help. Or you could be completely honest with her tell her ALL the things youve told us and then some. If she shows up or invites you over to her place at least shes done it with the understanding of your issues with women and theres a better chance of things working out. Remember you have to be 200% honest with this woman about your relationship issues before ANYTHING at all is going to work out. Wishing you the best of luck.
Actually, another guy came to visit her that she met on HotOrNot. He showed up last night. They were supposed to leave for New Orleans this morning. She regretfully agreed (at least that's what she told me), in a drunken and upset state, for him to come over and sleep there. I don't know if she went with him this morning. Believe it or not, I did tell her I was jealous, and she wasn't upset. She said she didn't know I felt that way, but at the same time says she likes me, but I'm just far away, and she wishes I wasn't. Not worth getting upset over? Probably. Worth crying in my bed over? No. Thing is, I know you are all right. You see through my bullshit. I can't BS the GK crew. Do I have issues with women? You may be wrong there. It's not women in general, it's just that I seek out a certain kind of girl. Not those super confident, outgoing, out and about types. Chatty chat chat. I like the down and out, the shy, the ones with low self-esteem. Is that pathetic, unhealthy? Somebody has to love them. I want to grow with someone. I like the imperfect things, because I am. I'll take an old withered houseplant that was kept in a north window and overwatered and try to revive it. I'm sure you guys would take an herb plant and try to make it better if you knew it still had some life. This is just me. "what are you going to do when this woman shows up on your doorstep and youre the same old FTM you always were with women, unable to have functional intimate relationships with them? Do you think all those things are just going to disappear when the two of you get together? I know this sounds harsh but honestly find out why you have this issue with women, solve it, fix it and then go out into the "real world" and work on having a functional relationship with a woman" I don't know who the same old FTM is, and how he is with women. I'm willing to admit everything, every flaw. I just think I'm desperate. I find one girl that I click with online, and I want it to be all happy, even when I know that there are a lot of risks. I'm now starting to regret my e-mail I sent her last night. But at the same time, she seems to be willing to have something with me. I don't know how you know that I don't have functional intimate relationships with women. How do you know that? I don't have functional relationships with basically anyone except people I meet online. This is my reality, and it hasn't changed much. I see this girl as someone that might be able to help change that, get me out of this rut. I hate where I live (northeast), I hate being stuck here. I don't want to be frustrated alone anymore. Is it so bad for ME, just because I have some insecurities and "have to learn to love myself" to want someone? Is it against the rules... do I have to grow up? I feel grown up. I've felt grown up forever. I'm just sick of being alone like this. You want the same thing if you were me, and you'd be just as desperate. (Edited by fromthemorning at 12:44 pm on Dec. 3, 2004)
Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship FTM. Question is do you want a functional one? OR a relationship where you cant give the other person what they need emotionally because of issues and it falls apart immediately? If my fingers severed from an accident(sorry BUD) and I need it to write my name what do I do?....1. go have surgery done 2.let it heal and then its perfect for writing my name, I can use it. Until then a severed finger does me no good correct? Heal the issues you have with relationships and women period ...then go out and try to have a relationship. Its the only way its going to work FTM... Dude dont fool yourself any longer theres a reason you feel and act this way until its solved forget having a functional male/female relationship or any relationship at all. I could blow smoke straight up your ass and tell you everything you want to hear but you know what?... thats not going to solve your problem.
I think there's more to the picture than everyone here sees. i have good relationships and bad ones, lost ones and new ones. I'm coming out of the state I was always in. I want to change. I feel changed, and mature. But I'm completely alone every night. I hate this damn computer now. Sometimes I really just don't want to be alive, and wish I wasn't afraid to end it for myself. But don't worry, I'll still be here complaining on the internet. I think I want to close this thread now, because I'm not gonna listen to any of you anymore, and everything is more complex than it sounds. I shouldn't depend on internet message board dwellers advice anymore. Nothing personal at all. Everyone made good points. I know the situation in it's entirety, and it's up to me. I announce this closed. Back to GK. Forget about me, please. Don't waste your time. I'll try to get some herb, get high, record some music, do something productive.
The truth is the truth is the fucking truth any way you wanna slice it brother. You can puree it, light it on fire, slice and dice it and rearrange it into any eye pleasing form you choose but it still comes out the same in the end...the truth. And we all must face it or become victims of it, its your choice partner...peace and good luck
Id just say the same thing I said before....it takes alot of trust to have an online relationship...trust and the confidence not to get in too deep too quickly. Look at it this way...if you are too far away from her to keep her from dating other people now...before shes even given it a real chance...whats gonna happen a month from now? Is she going to be any less lonely then...or two months??? Lets face it..a young woman wants more to a relationship than just yahoo IM's and some email...she wants to have the "date"...Think about it really. Im not trying to hurt your feelings man but Im a realist when it comes to relationships. It takes alot to make it work, much more than having some things in common and the same sex drive. And you really dont learn those things over the internet. No reason you cant confide in her, and she in you, and dream together and talk about what you want out of life and be good friends. But you are both young....why sit at home wondering and worrying while she is continuing to date and meet other people?? There is someone for everyone. You just have to look at yourself and realize your strengths and your good points and make those shine when you are around women in your day to day. ANd when you are confident in yourself, harry potteresque or not....women will be drawn to that. But please dude, dont get yourself worked up over this one. And if shes leading you to believe she cares about you and wants to be with you and only distance is keeping you apart, meanwhile shes still dating other people...run dude...run as fast as you can.
FTM, we've obviously decided to ignore your request to end this thread. the lady you met (almost met) is playing with you. she's on every internet dating service, as you can tell from the last 3 days. she's had 2 men staying with her (f in from somewhere else) in the last 2 days! she's a fake, sweetie. you think that type of girl is interesting? oh, she's interesting all right. you'll probably learn about her vindictive ex-boyfriend next. then she'll overdose. then you'll all three get together at the hospital and her ex will beat your butt. want adventure? sail the internet dating boat. we love you, FTM. there are enough 'bad women' out there that you don't have to go looking for one on the internet!
