Tell us your best jokes!

Seizure Dude heres a differant take on one of your jokes with the same punch line.


A couple are in bed talking ,and the husband decides to make a joke.He says," Just think,if your beasts could give milk, we could get rid of all the cows.


And if your vagina could lay eggs,we could get rid of all the chickens."


"oh yeah?"she replies."well ,if you could get it up,we"d be able to fire the pool guy."

 

Q: What did the seven dwarfs say when the prince awakened Snow White?


A:"I guess it"s back to jerking off."

 

Two men are in court on drug charges.


The judge says,"If,over the weekend,you can persuade enough people to give up marijuana ,I'll let you two off."


Back in court on Monday,the judge asks for their results.


"I PERSUADED 10 PEOPLE TO GIVE UP marijuana FOREVER,"THE FIRST MAN SAYS.


"Thats great,"the judge replies."What did you tell them?"


"I drew two circles;one big,one small.I toold them the big circle was their brain before marijuana,and the small one was after marijuana." The other defendant says," I got 100 people to give up marijuana!"


"One hundred!How?'ask's the judge.


"Well ,I drew the two same circles.I pointed to the small circle ans said,this is your ******* before prison...."

 

Q:Whats the differance bettween pink and purple?


A:Her grip.

 

Q:What did the blonde say after having multiple orgasms?


A:"WAY TO GO,TEAM!"

 

LOL! I loved the bar joke, Dawg!


Why do farts stink? So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

 

Thought you would

 

Whats better than watching a woman wrestle?


Watching her box.

 

What is better than Roses on your piano?


two lips on your organ.


Richard Branson made a telephone call to the twin towers last week and asked how much the 2 747s where in the window.


They found the hotdog sellers last words before the planes hit the towers.


"who the **** ordered a jumbo"


If men had periods they would compare the size of the tampons.


2 cows talking in a field.One says to the other


"its a bit scary with all this mad cow disease,isnt it"


to which the second cow replied


"it dont affect me im a walrus"


Mary had 2 little lambs,


There names where Jack and Gypsy


One day they got foot and mouth,


And now there black and crispy.


The above jopkes are in no way disrespectful to the persons whos lives where taken at9/11.Just trying to make you laugh.

 

hehehehe How much for the "jumbo" in your window? Is it clean?

 

Ask northlite,He just finished descaling my flange.


(cats missed a bit) NEXT......

 

ROFLMAO! Well Northie? Is it nice and clean? ...... back at ya Windy

 

ROFL!! LM friggin AO!!...laughter is the best medicine.Had a shitty night but this made the mornin...Thanks for the laugh everyone!!...


Genie Genie...


A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo and behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to recieve the usual three wishes.


The Genie said,"Nope...due to inflation,constant downsizing,low wages in third world countries,and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?"


The woman didnt hesitate. She said,"I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."


The Genie looked at the map with eyes wide and furrowed brow, exclaiming harshly, "MY GOD,WOMAN!! These countries have been at war for thousands of years.Im good, but not THAT good!! I dont think it can be done. Make another wish, for this one is ...impossible."


The woman thought for a minute and said,"Well, Ive never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesnt watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for... a good mate."


The Genie let out a long, painful sigh and said , "Alright!, let me see the fucking map!"...


Is that what theyre callin em now Herb...the things you miss when ya blackout for a few days...


Dawg... that bar joke is classic!

 

John is the greatest architect in the entire world. You see John always new exactly how many bricks it would take to build a house. One day a very rich couple came to John and asked him to design a house for them. John designed his greatest creation ever and after two years it was finished. John stood outside of his masterpeice and gazed in wonder and pride. As he turned to walk away, he suddenly tripped over something.


As he picked himeself up he looked down to see what was on the ground and there staring him in the face was a brick. Well now John was pissed because this brick was supposed to be in the house not on the ground. In a fit of rage John picked up this brick and threw it as hard as he could.


Hehehehaha ok its really not that funny.

 

This one is better.


There's this girl named Suzy with a little puppy named Foofoo. Well Foo foo was little Suzy's best friend. One day Suzy's parents said to Suzy, "Now Suzy we have to move and you cannot bring Foofoo with you so you will have to get rid of the dog". Suzy cried and cried and cried, but when she finally stopped she thought of an idea.


The day they had to move little Suzy gave Foofoo some Niquil and put Foofoo in her carry on luggage.


Everything was going fine on the airplane until Foofoo started to wake up and make noise. Suzy thought to herself, "well we have already taken off so what can they possible do", so Suzy took Foofoo out.


Well some of the other passengers saw this and thought Foofoo was just wonderful and came by to pet the darling mut. Soon thought all the passengers were next to Suzy trying to pet Foofoo. A stuardess came by and spyed this cluster **** of people petting this dog. She became enfuriated that someone had brought a dog on the plane and marched over, grabbed the bitch, and through it out of the plane.


Suzy was crushed and balled the rest of the trip.


After the plane had lannded and as Suzy was walking to the terminal she heard a faint "bark" and looked over. There far off in the distance was Foofoo running at her with a purpose. Well Suzy was filled with Joy and began running toward Foofoo. Seconds passed and right as Suzy was going to receive her best friend back in her arms BAM!!!!!!!!


This brick comes out of nowhere and kills the fucking mut!


Hahahahahehehehehe oh ****.

 

heheh thats a bit like this one:


How did the little girl fall of her bike?


She was hit by a truck.


What made the 747 crash into the ground?


The pilot was a banana.

 

Ted...Knives,...Damn good effort!...keep em comin.


Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?...


A: Run like HELL,shes got a grenade in her mouth!


Q: Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?...


A: Ones white,made out of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with.The other you carry groceries in


One late evening a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. Tip Toeing through the living room he suddenly stopped when he heard a loud voice say "Jesus is watching you!"...


Silence returned to the house,so the burglar crept forward again..."Jesus is watching you!" the voice boomed again...


The burglar stopped dead again.He was frightened.Frantically he looked all around.In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.


He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"


"Yes",said the parrot.


The burglar breathed a sigh of relief,and asked the parrot,"Whats your name?"


"Moses",said the bird.


"Thats a ridiculous name for a parrot,"sneered the burglar."What idiot named you Moses?"


The parrot replied,"Same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus!"...


NEXT!!

 

In the middle of a jungle, hovering above a little pond was a fly. Looking up from inside the pond was a trout. The trout thinks, if that fly drops another inch, i can have myself some lunch.


On the edge of the pond was a bear, hiding in some scrub and he thinks, if that fly drops an inch, that trout will be up and then i can grab him, and have myself some lunch.


On the other side of the pond, also hiding was a hunter, having his lunch and he thinks, if that fly drops an inch, the trout will come up, the bear will come out to grab the trout, and i can shoot him for a trophy.


Behind the hunter, up the bank was a mouse, and he looks down and thinks, if that fly drops an inch, the trout will be up, the bear will come out and grab the trout, the hunter will drop his cheese sandwich and shoot the bear, and then i can go down and get the cheese sandwich for my lunch.


Behind the mouse was a cat, and the cat thinks, if that fly drops an inch, the trout will come up, the bear will come out and grab the trout, the hunter will drop his cheese sandwich and shoot the bear, the mouse will grab the cheese sandwich, and then i can pounce on the mouse, and have my lunch.


The fly drops an inch, the trout jumps out grabs the fly, the bear grabs the trout, the hunter drops his cheese sandwich and shoots the bear, the mouse scrambles for the cheese sandwich, and the cat pounces on the mouse, but misses, trips and falls into the pond.


What is the moral of this story?


A fly only needs to drop an inch before you get a pussy wet!

 

Cats suck. I hate them

 

Is that Skuzzi's trout?