Tell us your best jokes!

A man with stomach pains goes to the hospital.The doctor tells him it's constipation and that he'll need to use suppositories.The man is instructed to drop his pants and bend over,whereupon the doc shoves the tablet up his behind.


you'll have to do the same thing every six hours for a week,says the doctor.


Later that evening,the man is having difficulty inserting another suppository and decides to ask his wife for her help.He tells her what to do,then drops his pants and bend over.She proceeds to put one hand on his shoulder and with the other shoves the suppository home.


Damn! screams the man.


Whats the matter? she asks.Did I hurt you?


No he replies,But I just realized that the doctor had BOTH hands on my shoulders.

 

My turn    Loud & Quiet Sex


LOUD SEX


A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,


doctor.


Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."


"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is. I should think you would feel complimented."


" The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"


***********


QUIET SEX


Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"


She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"


 ...stay cool & keep   DNC

 

a penquin walks into a bar and asks the bartender,


"have you seen my dad in here?"


the bartender replies,


"i don't know. what does he look like?"

 

their was a girl who was about to jump of the dock when a guy came over to stop her.


"what areyou doing" he said


"i'm trying to kill myself" she replied.


"dont do that, you have so much to live for, come on my boat and we will make love and sail to the mediteranean"


she came with the man but she had to put her in the life boats so the captain wouldn't find her. weeks past and every day he would come and bring her food and make passionate love to her. one day the captain came by on one of his inspections and found the girl in the boat.


"what are you doing here!" he yelled


"one of your shipmates is taking me to mediteranean, he comes every day, gives me food and screws me" she replied.


"damn right he's screwin you, this is the ferry from Nanimo to Schwarts Bay!"


(comic drum roll)

 

3 tomatoes are walking down the street, a baby tomato and his parents.  The baby tomato walks more slowly and he can't keep up with his parents.  Finally the daddy tomato goes back to the baby and squashes him and says, "Ketchup!"


(Edited by Mrs B at 10:58 pm on Nov. 13, 2002)

 

lol to all

 

Damn good everyone!!